the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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