haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
