Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
