In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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