You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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