his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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