So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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