They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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