i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU