she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better