She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
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If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
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Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.