Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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