Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(973): View more from New Jersey

I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick

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(720): View more from Colorado

Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it

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27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
Read it at the TFLN blog
(919): View more from North Carolina

Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?

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(315): View more from New York

Awee what are you going to name your new dog?

(315): View more from New York

What dog?

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(904): View more from Florida

show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened

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(315): View more from New York

It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios

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(240): View more from Maryland

Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?

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