I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You've changed since you got that strap on
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.