Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(740): View more from Ohio

Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night

(631): View more from New York

U should. Its a good ice breaker

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(740): Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night (631): U should. Its a good ice breaker http://tfl.nu/6sdf

Replies (10) Good night (3772) Bad night (819)
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(269): View more from Michigan

So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!

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(269): So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church! http://tfl.nu/fvvt

Replies (17) Good night (4643) Bad night (767)
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(585): View more from New York

It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.

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(585): It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight. http://tfl.nu/zyt9

Replies (10) Good night (3498) Bad night (957)
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(630): View more from Illinois

Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.

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(630): Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song. http://tfl.nu/ltnq

Replies (47) Good night (1080) Bad night (5202)
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(616): View more from Michigan

I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.

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(616): I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse. http://tfl.nu/2ozn

Replies (3) Good night (2174) Bad night (886)
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(804): View more from Virginia

i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral

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(804): i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral http://tfl.nu/voa8

Replies (3) Good night (833) Bad night (2416)
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(315): View more from New York

Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.

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(315): Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes. http://tfl.nu/lvfu

Replies (3) Good night (2233) Bad night (1057)
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(845): View more from New York

Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial

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(845): Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial http://tfl.nu/xnww

Replies (4) Good night (1620) Bad night (1387)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.

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(508): Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated. http://tfl.nu/0bri

Replies (18) Good night (4491) Bad night (909)
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(517): View more from Michigan

Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)

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(517): Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened) http://tfl.nu/by9k

Replies (9) Good night (1653) Bad night (613)
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(310): View more from California

So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.

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(310): So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1. http://tfl.nu/ef5h

Replies (8) Good night (1280) Bad night (626)
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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus

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(832): i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus http://tfl.nu/kvpc

Replies (2) Good night (1698) Bad night (669)
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(307): View more from Wyoming

... I threw up in the shower this morning

(406): View more from Montana

You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.

(307): View more from Wyoming

I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.

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(307): ... I threw up in the shower this morning (406): You were "I'm not drunk" drunk. (307): I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time. http://tfl.nu/80b5

Replies (1) Good night (747) Bad night (953)
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(530): View more from California

Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.

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(530): Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them. http://tfl.nu/oho5

Replies (2) Good night (1083) Bad night (424)
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(309): View more from Illinois

I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole

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(309): I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole http://tfl.nu/g3hp

Replies (6) Good night (419) Bad night (681)

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