Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong

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  (248): the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong http://tfl.nu/52o9
  Replies (2) Good night (892) Bad night (516)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.

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  (908): so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy. http://tfl.nu/ocps
  Replies (9) Good night (745) Bad night (2698)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"

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  (202): you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!" http://tfl.nu/xr8i
  Replies (46) Good night (5571) Bad night (600)
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  (845): View more from New York

  It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.

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  (845): It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot. http://tfl.nu/ztf1
  Replies (69) Good night (4309) Bad night (865)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.

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  (214): Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry. http://tfl.nu/h3dm
  Replies (20) Good night (2577) Bad night (1028)
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  (478): View more from Georgia

  closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.

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  (478): closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college. http://tfl.nu/w89j
  Replies (17) Good night (4378) Bad night (715)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.

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  (815): I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time. http://tfl.nu/qrqx
  Replies (7) Good night (2443) Bad night (840)
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  (585): View more from New York

  ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.

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  (585): ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity. http://tfl.nu/72qs
  Replies (17) Good night (3088) Bad night (1044)
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  (805): View more from California

  The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.

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  (805): The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move. http://tfl.nu/j8dv
  Replies (6) Good night (589) Bad night (2424)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.

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  (219): Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding. http://tfl.nu/1cjf
  Replies (13) Good night (1821) Bad night (1369)
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  (310): View more from California

  Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.

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  (310): Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus. http://tfl.nu/vfqq
  Replies (22) Good night (1984) Bad night (1109)
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  (+97): View more from

  Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.

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  (+97): Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer. http://tfl.nu/wfti
  Replies (8) Good night (1629) Bad night (480)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.

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  (215): tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts. http://tfl.nu/39iy
  Replies (5) Good night (1261) Bad night (393)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right

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  (859): I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right http://tfl.nu/hkaq
  Replies (2) Good night (729) Bad night (361)
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  (631): View more from New York

  Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.

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  (631): Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on. http://tfl.nu/pysj
  Replies (3) Good night (597) Bad night (353)

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