Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
