my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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