Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
