I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
