I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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