Kiss
Puke
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
