every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
