so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
