apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize