She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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