i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
