he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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