I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
