I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
