I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
