ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
