Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
