I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I DEMAND FORESKIN
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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