There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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