return my video game
The maid of honor just puked.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
