sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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