We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
