My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
