And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
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Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
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I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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