Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize