I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
