so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
