so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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