I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
