Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
