We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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