i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
