Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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