I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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