im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
