So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
