he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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