question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
