So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
