I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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