just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
