Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
