Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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