i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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