You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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