We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
