Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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