i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
