Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
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1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
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Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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