he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
they're like a gay fantastic four
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
