I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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