I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
How does it feel to date your dad?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
