I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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