He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..