Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo