that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
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The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
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Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.