Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
