to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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