i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
