I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
