Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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