dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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