I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
