Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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