i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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