i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
