saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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