dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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