You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
