Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
