I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
so let's talk penis.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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