fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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