Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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