I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
