i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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