also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
